I've been lying in the bath for the last couple of hours. It's been very pleasant. I was having a nice read of a magazine, 'Private Eye'.
There was a little article in there about an artist who has started a small business sharpening pencils. It's true! People send him their pencils and he sharpens them. His unique selling point is that he sharpens them in the old fashioned way, using a knife.
Modern pencil sharpeners are a complete no no for him. Apparently he is able to get the pencils to a really sharp point. So as not to get the point damaged in the post, he then puts the pencil in it's own snug fitting tube. This service only costs $12. It sounds crazy but he is doing a roaring trade.
It seems that once sharpened people are reluctant to use them for there intended purpose, and instead give them as gifts to others. They come with a little certificate to prove they have been hand sharpened.
So as I was lying there in the bath, my thoughts turned to rusty nails. Specifically, as to whether I would be able to make any money from them.
I have a great heap of rusty nails, mostly garnered from the embers of the occasional bonfire I have, and also from burning wooden pallets and packing cases in the fire in the cold winter months. I suppose I ought to reclassify them as burnt rusty nails.
If I had a welding machine I could make little sculptures and sell them for lots of money to art collectors. That would take up a lot of my time though, and in the end they might not even sell.
Because they have been in the fire they have lost their temper. No, I don't mean they are angry about being burnt. I mean they have gone a bit soft and bendy. Obviously they are not going to be any use for their original purpose.
What I have decided to do, is to sell them individually, mounted on their own little wooden plaque. With a label stating that they have been burnt in a genuine Sussex bonfire. They can be supplied in original burnt and rusty condition, or polished, or a choice of three colours.
I'm going to charge £9.99p for them. My reasoning being, that people will notice that they cost less than a tenner and think that they are getting a bargain. Which of course they are. This money making idea cannot fail. I shall probably become a millionaire.
Amazing that this has all stemmed from reading a magazine whilst sitting in the bath. Next time I'm going to put some water in the bath. It might relax me a bit. Stop me from being such a bloody idiot.