Do you ever find yourself in a kind of mental turmoil? That's me at the moment. I can't seem to concentrate on one thing at a time. My thought processes jumping around all over the place. Never stopping to think anything through before the next thought interrupts. It is making me unhappy. Not that anyone would know there was anything wrong because I still maintain my (normal) "hail fellow well met" persona.
I suspect it is the legal process regarding my childhood that I am involved in that is causing this problem. I have been allocated a lawyer by the survivors association and my case is being prepared.
I wish that it would all just go away. No I don't.
I think, hey, I survived whats the problem?
I think, no, I didn't survive.
I think, if I had never been in that place I would have been a different person than the young man who went off the rails.
I think, if I had never been sent to that particular foster home?
I think, I would never have had a criminal record.
I think I would have been able to maintain a loving relationship.
I think lots of what ifs?
But then, maybe I am just who I am supposed to be and none of it really hurt me at all? It just is what it is. I mean, when you think about what some kids have been through. Are still going through today. When you think about war and famine in the world. I mean, what is my problem?
I lived, live a life of ups and downs but don't we all?
Why should I be compensated for it? I know why. No I don't.
Yes, lots of turmoil in my head. What's it all about?
I don't know.
I want to write more about this. No, I don't.
My mind is like my habitat, cluttered. Needs a good tidy. Tomorrow. I will do it tomorrow. Or not?
Tricia, just sent me a text. There is lots of hot water. Would I like a bath? Haha. How apt. But yes, I think I would. Hot water? Some of you know what a luxury that is for me, considering my alternative lifestyle.