Leisure? This Is In Tents.

JB’s Vauxhall Astra update. Number 28a (not sure).

Well, blow me down wiv a fevver! Turns out the leisure battery my son-in law Lee er… Nigel gave me last week was a dud. Never held a charge. Useless! It turns out it wasn’t even a leisure battery. He let me down badly. Built me up and knocked me down. I am seriously considering whether he is the right man to be married to my daughter. I expected better. His real name is Lee. There I have said it. Serves him right! Enough of all the secrecy and not wanting his real name mentioned. Who does he think he is James bleedin’ Bond?

But what is this? Hold the front page! My friend Bill saw about the leisure battery on Facebook. He says he has got a leisure battery. He says I can have it. Free!

I have this little saying, ‘the Lord will provide’ I swear by it and I ain’t even religious. But, thank you baby Jesus for providing me with a leisure battery. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen. Oh, and thank you to Bill too, for thinking of me. You are an absolute star! A true friend! A Welsh wonder! Such a handsome man too. I love you. No not love, that’s going too far. Sorry. I got carried away there for a minute. By the way his real name is Ian, but he wants to remain anonymous.

So, I have a leisure battery. A proper one. Not a dud ordinary battery like what Lee gave me and broke my heart. I have sent off for a relay wiring kit and when that is fitted there will be no stopping me. I had a bit of a problem when I mistook 500 centimetres for 20 inches because I don’t do metric. But all is well now, and fingers crossed I should have a long enough cable to do the job.

You would think that bit of luck would be enough for anyone wouldn’t you? I did. I was well happy innit? But then something remarkable happened. I got a text message from Ian… er Bill. Yes, the same bloke who gave me the leisure battery. I shall from now on henceforth refer to the leisure battery as the LB. This is to save having to keep writing ‘the leisure battery’ whenever I mention the leisure battery. As you have probably gathered, I am a man of few words. Anyway, that is enough about the leisure battery for now. I mean LB.

Ian…er Bill has given me a tent. Free! A two man tent he called it. I thought it might come in handy for when I use a proper campsite occasionally. Two-man tent!? You could hold a banquet in it! It is amazing! What a clever design it is. I easily erected it on my own. In the rain. In a howling gale!

I lied about the howling gale just then. It was only a light breeze. But it was raining. Unbelievably I can reverse into it. Inside it. Yeah, I know. Amazing. And I can open the tailgate inside it. And it only took me a few minutes to full erection! Once I have had a bit more practise I should get it up in no time. Honest! Have a look at the photos if you don’t believe me (see photos). While you are looking at the photos you may notice I have put a shelf up in the van. My son in law Lee…er Nigel gave me the wood for that. He is a good lad.

I am so lucky to have such good friends. I don’t know what I have done to deserve them, but I am truly thankful. As I always say, “the Lord will provide.” It is just that sometimes He does it through friends. I ain’t even religious, but facts is facts!