Tuesday, 27 December 2016

God, Church And First Class Seats.

A lot of people don’t know this. A lot won’t believe it but sometimes, on my walk to the village I pop into the church for a few minutes and have a sit down and a think.

I usually sit in a pew about halfway down the aisle. Never in the front pews. I don’t sit in the front pews because that is where the gentry sit and I’m not gentry.

To be honest, I don’t know if the gentry still sit there during services because I never go to services. But when I was a youngster, us kids couldn’t sit in the front due to rich people having first choice and it became a habit I keep to this day.

Some of the pews even had name plates on them. Lord this, Lady that, Colonel Stuck-up, Major something or other, The Right Honourable so and so, Dr and Mrs posh-nob. All up the front nearest the altar.

Those posh people, they even had proper thick kneelers to kneel on with fancy tapestry patterns. Their kneelers were so thick they hardly had to kneel at all. I know this for a fact because I sneaked a go on one once when I was putting the hymn books out. I didn’t even have to lift my arse off the pew and I only had a small arse in those days.

Us common people who wore boots and hand-me-down clothes never had names on the pews we sat in. We never had proper kneelers either. We had thin lumpy kneelers if we were lucky enough to get a kneeler at all. What with them always being in short supply in the back pews.

So yes, occasionally when the mood takes me, I will tie Mia the German Shepherd’s lead to the bench outside and pop into the church for a few minutes of quiet reflection. I will admit to saying the occasional prayer. Not because I believe in God exactly, but you know, there might be something in it and I don’t want to blot my copy book entirely.

I have it in my mind to go to a church service one Sunday and sit in the front pew. I shall say to Lord and Lady Muck, “Budge up you two, make room for a little ‘un.” I wonder what their reaction will be?

If by chance I do find myself in heaven one day I will be terribly disappointed if God carries on with His them and us policy though.


  1. Isn't it odd that people think they can buy their way into holiness?

  2. I think things have changed now, John. In the churches I have been to the front rows are usually occupied by elderly and deaf people.