Monday, 29 December 2014
Give Me The Simple Life.
Dunno why they call this a simple life. It ain’t when it’s this cold. Even me toothpaste was frozen this morning. Had to brush me teeth wiv Lurpak Spreadable and rinse with some dregs of anti-freeze what was left in me ‘ot water bottle! Didn’t spit of course. Waste not, want not. That’s the philosophy I live by, always have always will, ‘cept when I don’t!
Was going to ‘ave a fried egg for me breakfast but the egg was, yeah you guessed it, frozen! I stuck an old ‘andle on it, ‘ad it as an ice lolly instead!
Me water pipe, me only concession to luxury living is frozen solid too. ‘Ad to forego me usual cold shower this morning. Improvised rather cleverly I thought, though I do say so meself, by rolling around naked on the frosty grass. No sign of me genitalia after that little escapade but I don’t tend to ‘ave much use for them in the winter, or ever come to that. Not since I was forced to give up sex when I got old and became unattractive through no fault of me own, to the opposite sex. Or let’s be ‘onest the same sex too! Well, yes there was a short period of readjustment when the unattractiveness first kicked in when I was ready to give anything a go!
Anyway being ‘as how it is colder indoors than it is outdoors I am going outside for a bit of a warm-up. See you later. Don’t forget, keep it simple!