Back Pain And Errant Underwear.

This morning I had difficulty getting out of bed due to excruciating back pain. I had to slowly roll onto my tummy, get onto my hands and knees and crawl slowly backwards off the bed. It took me ten minutes to put my socks on and another ten to finish dressing. Getting my jeans on was difficult too as I had trouble lifting my feet to get them through the leg-holes.
Eventually, I decided it might be a good idea to have a bit of a walk outside. While walking I noticed a large lump on my right leg. This was quite worrying, but further investigation revealed the problem to be yesterdays underpants which were stuck down the leg of my jeans. I intended to pull the errant underpants (F&F Tesco 9.99 pack of three) through the bottom of the leg of my jeans but was unable to bend my back to do so. So I lay flat down on the grass and dragging myself backwards I was able to get my jeans down far enough for said underpants (they were the black ones. The pack contains white, black and grey) to release themselves. Getting my jeans back on whilst lying on my back on the grass was a very painful rigmarole but was eventually achieved with the help of a nearby hooked stick and I have to confess some swear words.
I consider myself really lucky that I do not have a girlfriend at the moment because I don't think any woman would believe me if I had to explain why my new underpants (the white ones) are covered in grass stains!