My brain, or perhaps I should say my mind, works in a higgledy piggledly way. It seems unable to simply take in a piece of information and absorb it. Instead it reduces the substance of said information and scatters it to all the various little hidden nooks and crannies that comprise my grey matter.
It has done this, as far as I am aware, since it was first created. I lack focus. I'm not complaining. This is just the way I am. It might explain why I have not utilised what talents I have to make something of my life. To give my life more substance. To settle into a more comfortable routine. To discipline myself. To find a purpose. To..... Well perhaps you get my drift?
I am in general a failure. This life I lead. This free spirit I pretend inhabits my consciousness is a bloody sham. Sometimes I just wish that John, the happy go lucky bloke, would bugger off and leave me in peace to act like a miserable bastard. I get pissed off sometimes being a nice man. Where is the fun in being nice. It is so bloody boring!
Back in the days when I was bad, when I would spend most weekends locked up in the local jail, I don't remember it being boring. There was excitement. The adrenaline flowed. I never knew what was going to happen from one day to the next. It was fine by me. It didn't require me to have focus.
Nowadays I know what's going to happen next. Nothing.
I shall be fine. I just need to rob a bank. Get some excitement going. Find some focus. It has to be in there somewhere. I just need to bring it out of all those bloody nooks and crannies where it is scattered and hiding.
This has been a rubbish post by a bloke pissed off, fed up, miserable, unfocused, worthless and various other crap variations of the same.
I apologise. See, there it is, I'm apologising. I am too bloody nice for fucks sake!
I know exactly how you feel...but you have the book being published...very cool.
ReplyDeleteSome days are like this...NEXT!
ReplyDeleteLife certainly hasn't been boring here. Been dodging bushfires. Had to spend a night at the beach after being evacuated from my house.(you can read about it on my blog) Came home to my other house and a fire started up here as well. I have been living on the edge not getting much sleep worrying about changes in the wind. Give me a quiet, boring life any day.
ReplyDeleteJohn, I believe you're suffering from post-holiday crud. I recognize it. There is no inoculation. Singing helps, not me but you sing really well. I am drinking Chilean wine and writing silly essays. This will pass. Life is good.
ReplyDeleteYou are having another one of your bad days. Hopefully all will look slightly better tomorrow. Perhaps you can give Julia Roberts a call and she will take you somewhere special.
ReplyDeleteIt's that time of year.... don't worry, it will pass. Go get that book published.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like my thoughts John. Think we are all frustrated writers trying to find meaning in a crazy world. Your writing style is very good. You remind me of Frank McCourt's 'Angela's Ashes. I really like your 'first person' narration. Especially your recent piece about Jimmy and the potatoes. Keep writing and playing the music John .
ReplyDeleteOh, I feel for ya. And I'm WITH ya on this one. Wait til someone says to you "you're one of the most kind and loving people I know"...... *shudder* Makes me wanna throw up!
ReplyDelete:-/
Ok John, which of these two blokes would you prefer to have an active and guiding role in EHS Georges life ? The bad guy/miserable bastard or the happy go lucky good guy with a great sense of humour and loads of creative talent......... There you go. Job done. Now go and have a really good day. I am off to wander round my garden in the cold and damp to look out for the brave bits of green poking out of the soil reminding me it will soon be spring.
ReplyDeleteUnfocused or not, I still love reading your nonsense. When I'm feeling down, I listen to some of my favourite music. Lots of my favorite artistes sing inspirational songs that make me feel better...hang in there.
ReplyDeleteWe share an eternal lack of focus. If we ever find who has our shares that person will be nailed tightly to whatever personal brick they have chosen.
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel John. No really....I do. I'm 54 years old and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I don't enjoy what I do but yet don't have the gumption to do anything about it. I am in a comfortable routine also and don't know when or if it will ever change.
ReplyDelete