Susan Boyle's Knickers And The Creation Of The Universe.

After a couple of hours cutting firewood into handy size pieces for my woodburner stove, my mind started wandering. Again. Well it gets quite boring after a while, cutting wood.

Don't ask me why, but I started thinking about women's knickers. Specifically, I began wondering, why modern female singers find it necessary to sing, whilst wearing only their underwear. Maybe I am getting old, but I have to say that whilst I am an ardent admirer of the female form, seeing them prancing about on stage, clad skimpily, in next weeks washing, does not appeal to me in the slightest. Perhaps they do it to distract from the painful, usually nasal screeching, of their latest 'hit'.

Personally, I lay the blame for this phenomena squarely at the feet of Madonna. I'm talking about the 'singer' here. Not the virgin Mary obviously. She started it, I believe, this prancing around half naked, whilst 'singing'.

Hey, maybe I'm not so old after all, because I can clearly remember thinking, when she first appeared on the scene, that I thought it looked stupid.

As she got older, she got even more outrageous. Obviously, being a highly intelligent woman, she thought that behaving like a slut would get her more fans. Happily she was proved wrong eventually, and has now it seems almost disappeared off the celebrity radar.

Although I did have the misfortune to accidentally see her on TV recently, in her knickers, naturally. Or in this context, unnaturally. Wonder what she looks like with her clothes on?

Why on earth does she think that anyone would want to see a woman in her mid fifties, cavorting on stage half dressed, or half undressed. Especially as she has now reached that time of her life where extra large knickers are the order of the day. Not that she has gained weight you understand. Just that she is no spring chicken. More of an old hen. Different shaped. That's what I'm trying to say. Unhappily, however, she has left this legacy of knickers, which today's young women appear keen to emulate.

Oh please someone tell them, these youngsters, how wonderful to the eye, is a well dressed woman. How alluring, how sensual, how enigmatic, and yes, I shall say it, how sexy they could look, if only they would leave something to the imagination.

My mind then thankfully left the subject of knickers, and began to ponder the creation of the Universe.Yes, I know, it is a big leap, but somehow I managed it.

I was thinking about the theory, currently favoured by many scientists, that the Universe came into existence, after a big bang. I had gone along with this theory. Callously disregarding everything I had been taught as a child, about God creating everything. When I say that I had gone along with this theory, what I mean is, that I just accepted it.

Until today that is. Because as the saw ripped through the umpteenth piece of timber, the thought suddenly occurred to me, what was it that caused the big bang to happen? Something must have been there already.

Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, I have, at least in my own mind, disproved the big bang theory, and shall return to my God fearing ways for now. Nobody, to my knowledge, has yet disproved God's existence. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

I had finished sawing firewood, and was just bagging it up, when my mind returned to the subject of knickers.

Thank heavens I thought, thank heavens, that not all women singers need to be half naked when they are singing. I mean to say, I love Susan Boyle's singing. She has real talent. She doesn't need to appear on stage in her knickers. Can you imagine that?

No don't. Don't even think about that. I'm sorry I mentioned it!