The Introverted Extrovert. The Shyly Confident Man. That'll Be Me.

Sometimes the thought occurs to me that I'm slightly odd. Perhaps a bit different in the way I think and see life. Some of my thoughts and ideas, if I mention them to people, get me strange looks.

Maybe everyone has eccentricities, but most are able to keep them internalised.

The reason I am an artist, could be down solely to the fact that I can paint what is in my head. That I need to paint my thoughts, as well as speak them out loud. Surrealism.

Writing this blog, is probably due to the fact that I like an audience. Now that is weird, because to tell you the truth, I am a very shy person. I think I am an introvert, and yet I do act a lot of the time in an extroverted way.....Oh excuse me for a moment, my extremely handsome son George is calling.

"Hang on a minute Son, I just have to save this."

Two miles, two tins of dog food, one chocolate bar and a newspaper later. Here I am back again. He just needed a lift to the station. He is off to college. It's 11am. Strange starting times they have these days. Hmmm, there's that word strange again.

Anyway where was I before that interruption to my thoughts? Oh yes, I said I was an introvert. That is true. But I am actually an introverted extrovert. Which is to say that most of my, bonhomie, my hail fellow, well met, attitude to life, is a bluff. Not in a horrid way I hasten to add. If we meet up and I greet you effusively, it is because I am truly pleased to see you. It is just that my enthusiasm is there to mask my shyness. I call it shyness, but basically it boils down to a lack of confidence. Which goes right back to my childhood problems. You can hide lots of trauma deep inside your mind, but there is no hiding from the fact that it is still there.

I am able to get on to a stage, and sing, and play my guitar. I love to do that, but paradoxically it it not an easy thing for me to do. I do it because I feel the need to fight against my lack of confidence. I am proving something to myself. I am not kidding myself that I have a nice singing voice, and I certainly can't play the guitar well.

What's that you say? You have heard me sing, and you think I'm.... That is so kind of you. Thanks for that. That is just what I needed. A confidence boost.

Many years ago, I had an idea. It was an escape idea. I used to think about escaping the realities of life. I used to think like that, because sometimes I could not cope with the issues that life threw at me. Well, the idea I had was to live in a converted bus. That way when things got on top of me, I could simply drive away from them.

If you have read quite a few of my posts you will be aware of my skirmishes with the law. They were all to do with a lack of self esteem. I figured that if people were the root cause of all my troubles, then it was best to keep away from them. Life however is not that simple. Human needs tend to get in the way. I'm talking about emotional needs here, although the human condition, also calls for physical comforts too, if I may put it that way. Relationships, interaction, we have a need for these things.

My word I do tend to ramble on at times. What I want to say is that I finally got to grips with life. I learned to cope. I dealt with my issues. I got on with things, as we must all learn to do. I am all right now. Just maybe a little bit eccentric. Which is why I like to live my, almost, self sufficient lifestyle, in this wagon, rather than a house.

When I sat here this morning to write for you, it was because of the leak in the wagon roof. I was going to tell you about rain falling on my face, as I lay in bed. I was going to tell you about how I knew the leak needed fixing, but that I have been too lazy to do it. I was going to write about that, but, as is my way, I got sidetracked.

Bonnie the cat was sleeping on my bed last night, which was lucky. I was able to use her to mop up the water. Please do not be concerned for her. I have wrung her out thoroughly and she is hanging on the line to dry.

Sorry for rambling on like this.

No animals were made to suffer during the making of this blogpost.