A Lighter Kind Of Story.

I couldn't find the lighter to light my fire. Looked everywhere. This is a very small place it has to be here somewhere. I always put it back in the same place. Where the hell is it? Drives me mad, losing things in here. I give up and go and get the box of matches from my camper van.

I light the fire but it doesn't seem to be taking, so I get right close and blow into it to get it going. Yes, I manage to blow some life into it. There is a flame. And that's when the explosion occurred! I have found the lighter, but lost an eyebrow. Good job it didn't have much gas left in it that's all I can say! I shall buy another one next time I'm in the shop.


“Can I have a cigarette lighter please?”

“Thought you’d given up smoking John?”

“I have.”

“Why do you want a cigarette lighter then?”

Me sighing: “To light my fire with and the gas stove.”

“Really you just want a lighter then?”

“That’s what I said.”

“You said cigarette lighter.”

Me sighing: “Can I have a lighter please.”

“What colour?”

“Er... Blue please.”

“We don’t have blue.”

“Red?”

“You can have yellow or green.”

“Green please.”

“Disposable or refillable?”

“Disposable.”

“We only have disposable in yellow.”

Me sighing: “In that case can I have a yellow, disposable lighter please?”

“You’re in luck, this is the last one.”

“Check that it works okay please. The last one I bought didn’t.”

Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. “Good job you said that. This one isn’t working either. I could check out the back for you. We might have some out there. Might even be a blue one. Or you could have a refillable one in green?”

Me sighing: “Just give me a box of matches please.”

You couldn’t make this stuff up.

                                                                                                                             John.