Who Want's To Be A Millionaire?

I bought myself a steak yesterday. Cooked it in the frying pan. Had it with chips and petit pois. Really enjoyed it too.

Believe it or not it was my first proper meal in a month! Yeah I know, crazy isn't it? Truth is I have been trying to catch up with the vet's bill and other stuff so have been even more frugal than normal. Ran out of gas a month ago and couldn't afford to buy a new tank, so no cooking anyway. I have been living on cereals and ready meals since. Yuk! Mind you I suppose the cereals are good for me. Got rid of my fat tummy too. Every cloud as they say. Anyway yesterday I looked at my account and thought to myself -who else would I think it too? - 'hey that's looks healthier, I think I shall treat myself.' So I did. Not only that but I also managed to put £40 into my new puppy fund. It may well not stop in there for long, but it's a start.

I never have much money. Strange that, what with me being so multi talented and all. Or so people tell me anyway. The trouble is I am one of those people who somehow manages to struggle through the hard times. Always have been. It's a gift. I am not particularly religious but I swear by my mantra - if that's the right word - that 'the Lord will provide'. He usually comes up trumps God bless him. It seems to me that long ago He, in his infinite wisdom, recognised my lack of motivation, and set about giving me a bit of a helping hand. Of course I did try to succeed. I don't sit about not trying, but there is another saying, 'the Lord helps those that help themselves'. Very good of Him. Mind you He did put me through one heck of a tough apprenticeship. I think I shall leave my religious leanings there for now. Wouldn't want to push it too far.

This being broke business, it's quite weird really because - listen, I shall share a secret with you. Don't tell anyone okay? - because the truth is, I am a millionaire. No listen, it's true. Look at it like this. Here I am living in my showman's wagon, which I made myself out of reclaimed materials. But, and here's the important bit, my wagon is in a field. I own this field. In southern England. It has it's own access road from the main road. There is a severe housing crisis. Do you see where I'm going with this? Developers are desperate for land to build on. This is a prime site. Houses are soon going to be going up all around this area. Not a nice thought to my way of thinking.

Anyway a developer gave me a huge valuation about five years ago. Huge! Phenomenal! Is that how you spell phenomenal? What a strange looking word. I have rounded that valuation up a bit to allow for the years since. They could fit a lot of houses on here. So there it is you see. I am a millionaire, just don't have the cash in the bank yet.

And I never will have, because I will never sell this little haven of mine. What would I do with all that money anyway? For a start I would have to find somewhere else to live. That would take a big chunk out of the money. I couldn't live in a town. I tried that and hated it. Lonely places towns. And how could I afford it, even with all that money? I would be able to buy my dream car, but you know, the dog would soon mess that up. Honestly I cannot think of anything that would enhance my life to the degree that I would sell this place.

Please don't get me wrong, when I was younger, I would have wanted to realise this asset, I would probably have spent most of it on wine, women and song, and squandered the rest, but age gives one insight, and dare I say, a little wisdom. Thank goodness!

It can be a struggle sometimes, especially in the winter cold, but I have managed so far, and as the saying goes, 'what doesn't kill you can make you stronger' or something along those lines. I am a rich man in the love of my family and friends. You cannot put a price on that.

I am having beans on toast for dinner tonight. Ain't got the money for anything else. That steak took up all my housekeeping money. I still think it was worth every penny though!