Wednesday, 17 May 2017


Once upon a time, long, long ago there were these two blokes and they had a giant glasshouse where they grew loads of tomatoes. One day, around about the same once upon a time time one of the blokes, let’s call him Harry for the sake of expediency and also because that’s what his name was or is? I mean he could still be alive. Depends how long, long ago long , long ago was.

Anyway, never mind all that it’s irrelevant. Yeah, one day Harry says to the other bloke, “I have had an idea Norman.” That’s what the other blokes name was, Norman.

“What ideas that then?” said Norman.

"Well, I been thinking. You know how labour intensive it is picking all these tomatoes?”

“Yeah,” says Norman, “and it’s bloody boring.”

“Well,” says Harry, “what do you think of this idea? Instead of picking each tomato off the vine why don’t we just sell the tomatoes with the vine attached?”

“Don’t be stupid Harry! People want their tomatoes picked for them and anyway they don’t grow on vines. Tomatoes grow on haulms.”

“Yeah I know, but hear me out mate. We call them vines ‘cos it sounds nicer and we tell customers that.. and hear me out mate, hear me out.. we tell ‘em that tomatoes with the vine still attached are healthier and taste better! What d’you think of that?”

“I’m listening Harry.”

“Well, here’s the best part mate and though I do say it myself, it is brilliant! We  charge loads more money!”

“So, let me see if I have got this right. You are proposing that we do less work picking, employ less staff, charge more money for our tomatoes because they grow on vines and also tell everyone our tomatoes are tastier and healthier because we leave a bit of the vine attached?”

“Yeah, that’s it Norman. It’s brilliant! What do you think?”

“It’s absolute bollocks Harry! No one would be gullible enough to believe it. Now come on, let’s get this lot picked. Tomatoes on vines? Never heard such nonsense!
                                        THE END


  1. Harry is an entrepreneur. He will probably make a fortune. I know that many stores sell tomatoes on partial vines now. And where have you been?!!? I was worried about you.

  2. This is pretty new this vine lark, we didn't used to buy them like this in the 'Old Days'
    Glad to see you posting again, don't leave it so long next time. nag nag. lol
    Whats going on with the oven?

  3. Hooray, you're back.
    Now look here, I was planning a quiet morning - now I've not only got to find a dictionary but I've also got to check on the word haulms. Even spellchecker doesn't know!
    How's the oven doing?